Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
