I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
