Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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