i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
