If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
