do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
