Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
