I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
