I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
