They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
