You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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