You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
