Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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