Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
