At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
