i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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