I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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