my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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