Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
