WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
