I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
