You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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