You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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