i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Alive.
So much puke
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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