I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
