when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
