i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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