No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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