I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
