Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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