if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
