Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
