It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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