The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
