woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
