we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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