My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
