i just google imaged poop.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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