what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
