I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
