The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
