If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
time to smoke my breakfast
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
