just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
