you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
