Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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