Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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