were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
