can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
