Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
