u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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