I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
