So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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