Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
