so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
