is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
