Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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