apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
