I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
