im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
