now i know why i became what i already was.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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