I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
