If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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