Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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