Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
