All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
