You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
