You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
