Will you blow on my dice?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
