He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize