it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
