CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
