I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
